sat

Saturday

i went over the Rivervale Primary School that night, together with god-son's family and her mother's friends. it was a night full of past memories..

i knew i would meet many of my ex-st anne's students.. however, it was more than i expected..

first, as i entered the canteen with many "fun-fair" stores, i saw one of them mend by many of my students' mum.. and i saw Davin, Jynn and Kai Chung.. =D

along the way, i saw Shi Wei and Shi Jun. and his mum even gave me a cup of ice cream!! at the ice cream store was also Charmaine's mum..

and at this point, i saw this boy that was so so familiar.. right away, his name flashed across my head-RYAN.. i knew him in st anne's, when he was just nursery.. he was so shy, quiet and scared.. everyday i was there, i practically accompanied him till he leave the school safe and sound.. we grew closer as the days past.. after a few months, i heard the news that he was withdrawn from the school.. i was very sad but managed to move on in life.. but today, as i saw him, i was so so glad to see him, and he was so much taller.. i was so afraid to approach them.. what if they wouldnt remember me? but i tell myself, there would never be another chance to see them again.. i took so much courage just to approach his mum.. it was a sigh of relief when he said she found me familiar.. haha.. it was a while later when Ryan came by.. i was so surprised when he REMEMBERS MY NAME~!!! i almost fainted.. happy faint, i must say.. haha.. i gave him my email and hopefully, i will receive one from him soon..

another surprise was CLEMENT!! i was being approached by this guy who looked very familiar.. but it never take me more than a second to remember it was clement.. hahha.. i practically SHOUTED his name out and gave him a big hug!! he was a student from NTUC Childcare, where i had my 3rd year attachment.. of course, he wasnt the kid next door, but was one of the many i scold until i sian.. haha.. and he still loves me.. so do i.. and both of us were delighted to see each other.. before he left the school, he even ran by to me to say goodbye..

saw Joel, Ernest (hugsss), Zheng Rong, Jian Wei, Hillary, Nathaniel(lovessss), GENEVIEVE~!! she's very pretty.. the few after my first love that made my heart beat fast.. she said, "Teacher Joey very handsome~!" i just melt like butter under heat.. wahhaha..

and i got my back "tattoo-ed".. haha..

alright.. that's nothing much to say although there's much to say.. i really dont wanna remember what i deemed as Nightmare to me..

i admit,

i was a b**tard.

and for the second time, i cant help myself but to be like that.

it wasnt me but my feelings that was playing games with me.

i cannot control them, even though they belonged to me.

i'm sure you dont read my blog. but here, i'm sorry, to you.

i hate to be hurt. and it was then that hurt me

so deep, you cannot measure.

i know you wont understand and will think that i'm a ****er

i know i was too. and i know, you will hate me.

but i hope, it's not that much.

i dont mean it, and i really really cant lose him.

forgive me. and to you, m.y, i will never forgive myself

till you forgive me.

i hate this kinda feeling. yet i can never avoid it.

all i cant do, is to avoid you. and let myself suffer in the dark.

i cried the next day, yes, i did.

just because i cannot take the pain anymore.

God, heal the pain i have.

and thanks, for listening to me.

i know you will read this.